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PLEASE READ BEFORE READING ENTRIES:
The last entry written in here is from March, 2003. I don't write in here anymore. Please know that I'm not the same person as I was when these were written. Many of the entries display arrogance, intolerance, and unbelievable anger. I was very bitter and just plain pissed. So please, don't form a hatred for me as you read these! Of course, there are exceptions. I do still hold a few of the same opinions, but for most of them, not in the same fashion. Also, please excuse the occasional vulgar language and imagery. I'm a nice person, I promise.

THESE are just some of my opinions, thoughts, even some daily happenings of my life. I am usually very opinionated, as you may tell. Oh, and the dates are not completely in order... but just flip over left and right, they are all pretty close. All the ones in purple in the 3rd column are in order, the ones in all white are next to newest, and the ones in white with blue headings are the most recent.

9/8/01
*Myths*
4/10/02 - I've taken this part out. I've left this here, though, to acknowledge that I was a little... vicious about how I said things. I wrote about how people who believe stories in the Bible are completely ignorant and foolish, and how those stories are all myths. I just wanted to apologize for saything that. Although I still believe that to be true, I just explained it in a completely unreasonable and ignorant fashion. Sorry.
**Update**
12/28/01 (lol yes, a little late)
*Religion*
4/10/02 - I've edited the following to be worded more kindly, and also added some things.
I believe the truth is this: the people who created those stories in the Bible, like about Adam and Eve, the 6th Day Creation, Noah's Arc, etc., did it to either prove points and teach lessons, or they dreamt those things and somehow mistaken them to be true. They claim to have spoken to God, but they probably just had dreams about speaking to their version of God, nothing more. Dreams are created by us, like the directors to movies, that is all. If those people wrote the stories for moral purposes, I don't think those people meant for us to think they were real and to take it all literally. To me it seems people would be a little more intelligent than that.
I think there are basically three main purposes of religion:
1. Providing people with a way of dealing with death.
2. Providing mindless individuals who cannot think for themselves ideas on how to live their lives.
3. To explain things that back in those days, had no scientific explanations and NOW do.
Two keywords that I would like to point out are MINDLESS INDIVIDUALS. Many people (note I said many, not all) who strongly believe in certain religions are basically mindless. They've been brainwashed into believing things before they were able to think for themselves, therefore believe it to be true.
Now, I am not saying I KNOW there is not a god. But what I do know is that there is absolutely no way possible to know if there is one or not, and NO ONE can argue that. That is about the exact definition of Agnosticism. Having no exact conclusion on whether you think a God exists or not... you cannot know. If you believe in God, faith is the only thing you have to back it up. I can't prove god does not exist, just like I can't prove that tiny purple elephants don't exist. So why believe it?
Evolution or creationism. Whish do you belive? Or do you beleive in both? Both is more reasonable... at least you know evolution does exist, but if you ONLY believe in creation then I'm confused. There is so much evidence of evolution now, that it isn't a matter of whether you believe in it or not, but whether you understand it or not. Where did everything come from? You may ask. You cannot get something from nothing. What makes you think there ever was nothing? Maybe there was always something. Who knows? I personally lean toward this theory about how life began: In the universe, there are certain chemicals, that if mixed together, and having the right elements and environment, can create life. That is how I think life came to Earth. It seems the most likely to me. And because of this, there is most likely other life in the universe. Anyway, there is no possible way of ever knowing where everything came from... not today, anyway. But thinking some kind of god suddenly came up with everything in one day, well... I find that to be a little rediculous. Be logical here. Now, people claim that the creation theory has evidence... if so, then it is not much. But, here is the deal: With evolution, the evidence came first and resulted in the theory. With creation science, the theory came before the evidence. Hmm, I wonder.

9/15/01
*Attack On America * Mom's Opinion *
I deleted the things I put on the 11th. Anyway, yes, I am still angry at the people in Afganistan and Pakistan for reacting the way they did when the tragedy happened, but I would not go so far as to say I wanted them all to die. On the other hand, that is how my mom strongly feels. I was just talking to her about it the other day. She said even their babies deserved to die. This is because all the people over there are evil, and their kids would grow up to be the same, and we can't have that. She must not understand that not all of them are like that. I told her I used to know a kid at school from Pakistan, and she said he should be dead. I told her he was nice and everything, but she still thinks the same. I think she is very ignorant to say that, don't you? I mean, come on. She just keeps saying that all of them are pure evil and need to die. That's just not right... but oh well.
**UPDATE**
9/25
Mom's opinion has changed since I wrote the above information. She was just angry at the time, I suppose. Anyway, she now knows not all Muslims, etc., think badly of America.

9/13/01
*Scaredy Cats*
Today in my biology class, we went outside to capture some bugs (grasshoppers and such) and put them in a bottle. Well, something that surprised me was how scared some people were of the bugs... my friend and I were running around catching grasshoppers with our hands like no big deal, and quite a few of the other girls were scared to death of them! They would see one jump like a foot away and they would scream and run away... what the hell? To me, these people are like, idiots! Why in the world would you be THAT scared of a damn one-centimeter-long grasshopper? Doesn't make sense, unless you had some kind of traumatic experience with grasshoppers, which I totally doubt these girls had. You know what is fun to do to people like that? Throw bugs at them. I didn't, but I should have. I used to do that to this little girl years ago. I would open my hand to show some kind of bug and she would take off screaming. Sometimes I would have nothing... just start walking up to her with my hands closed to make it seem like I had something. She still ran. Lol... memories...

9/16/01
*Hell in Hello*
Most people consider "hello" a friendly greeting. I see the word 'hell' in hello. It is disguised by the 'o', but once you see it, it will slap you in the face. I am leading a campaign to take the "hell" out of "hello" and replace it with "heaven." ... I AM KIDDING! Someone really does feel that way though (lol) if you want to see it go here:
http://www.funnyfreepics.com/image.php?pic=hello.jpg


9/19/01
*Dumbass*

This pretty much goes with the idiot teachers sections. Anyway, this time it was my

History teacher. Look at this word: Moksha. Look at it and say it. "Mock-sha". Isn't difficult to pronounce. My teacher says Moska. There is a big difference there. How can you not see it? These teachers are really getting on my nerves (and my mom's) with their stupidity. Well that's it. Peace.

9/21/01
*Dumbass Part 2*
Hmm... yesterday, that same teacher said that same word again, and mispronounced it, once again. No, he did not say moska this time, he said mosha. The damn word is MOKSHA! MOK FUCKING SHA! Not moska, nor mosha! He just keeps coming up with new pronounciations, doesn't he? That is a rhetorical question by the way.

9/21/01
*Open House*
Yesterday there was an open house thing at my school... your parent/s come and you walk through all your classes so they can meet your teachers and what not. I asked my mom to come, but she refused because she knew she would say something to my teachers about their stupidity.

10/1/01
*Have You Noticed?*
Did you know that today's date is written the same backwards and forwards? Well now you do. And did you know that the last time that has happened was 70 years ago, when the date was 12-1-21? Well it was. And did you know that the next time the date will be like that is 9 years from now, on 01-1-10? You do now. Quite similar to todays date. Anyway, I was sitting, doing my homework, when I wrote the date and noticed it was all ones and zeros. Then I realized it was the same backwards and forwards. Then I decided to figure out when it was last like that, and when it will be like that again. I would have gone further into the past, or the future, but then I realized, why? Well, I admit it is kind of fun observing these things. I just thought I would write it down.
**Update**
11/12
Well, I found that that information isn't quite correct. Well, it is, but take the date 01-1-10. I added an unnecessary zero in front of the one. So technically, it would be 1-1-01, which is not the same backwards and forwards. That would be like saying 1-01-01 is the same backwards and forwards. It is, but there's another unnecessary zero. Anyway, just clearing that up... for some reason.

10/5/01
*Name*
My english teacher. She says my last name SO wrong it is not even funny! She calls me Christel Vincent. It is Christel Vinot. It is actually pronounced "Vee-no" with the accent over the first syllable. Now, I can understand being called "vee-not" or "vi-not" because how are you supposed to konw the 't' is silent? But Vincent?! God damn! I write it as clear as day, I do not see where the hell she gets Vincent from. I just had to get that out.

10/7/01
*Oh So Frightening*
Codie and Brianna, you knew I was going to write about this, lol. Anyway, last night, Codie, Brianna, Michael, Trenise ans I were walking around in the middle of the night, just chilling and talking. A couple of us decided we should all go walking to speedway. The rest of them didn't want to, but we started off in that direction anyway. Well, we heard some tires screeching and some of them were like "See, THAT is why we don't want to walk there!" Anyway, the truck that did the screeching turned on the street we were on and everyone took off running in the front yard of some guys house, because they were scared as hell of this car. Of course I ran with them, I mean, it was fun! Well, the person in the truck saw us running frantically and they stopped and said something, no one heard what he said. Oh my god, the four of them were SSOO frightened! The truck left, and then turned back around, and left again. Codie, Brianna, Michael, and Trenise were so scared that we all had to wait in the guys driveway, just incase the truck came by again. Then, everyone was saying how scared they were and how damn scarey this whole thing was. I was just standing, smiling, and watching them all while they freaked out. After a while, we walked back home. That was not scarey at all... I mean, AT ALL. It was so funny though, how they were all so scared! Anyway, later, we found out it was Codie and Brianna's dad's friend, Matthew. He thought it was hilarious and rediculous as hell that we all (except me) were so scared. I do too! LoL

10/7/01 (again)
*Cute Guy*
At Codie and Brianna's house, their dad had two Canadian guests over. They were in their twenties and one was very cute, we all thought so. Then Codie and Bri saw his ear and totally flipped out! He had a little tumor like object on his ear... I mean it wasn't a big thing or anything. They secretly called him Pimple Ear. They thought it was so disguisting and all... my god! What the hell is the big ass deal? Made absolutely no difference to me. Oh, and he had a fake ID to get into a strip club and Codie put some mascara on his eyebrows to make him look more like the picture. He didn't get in, though. Well, that's it!

10/26/01
*Help Me*
That same teacher again. (History teacher.) He totally blew me away with his stupidity today. The word was GAUIS. I admit, I am not quite sure how to pronounce that. But I know for a fact, that he said it completely wrong. He said GASEOUS. Gaseous is a word, but it is not GAUIS! What the hell?! Where can you possible get gaseous from gauis? Just because it starts with a 'g' ? Okay, that is like thinking every word that starts with the same letter is the same. Um... it is not! Jesus Christ... okay, here's another one for you. This word is TRIUMVIRATE. He said TRIUMVENT. There is no fucking 'n' in that word! The ending is v i r a t e . Not v e n t . What a damn idiot! He is making the dumbass students think that is correct, and they are pronouncing the words the same as him. Oh, just because he is the teacher, he MUST be correct. If the students cannot see how wrong the words are the teacher is saying, then they are equally moronic.

11/27/01
*Dumbass Part 3*
Yes, another story about my dumbass history teacher. The words he mispronounced today were Carolingian (caro-lihn-jun) and Merovingian (mare-o-vin-jun) which he pronounced as Carloginian and Merovinian. It is like he did not even see the "g" in Merovingian. Damn... what did I do to deserve this?

12/13/01
*Funny Things (maybe)*
This is something I just found quite funny. My mom is sending some relatives a big picture (of the two of us) in a frame. She accidently broke it, but she is still going to send it, and just tell them that it probably broke in the mail. It does not seem too funny now, but when my mom told me we were laughing like hell... another funny thing today, I was walking down the crouded hall at school and stepped on a chip. I heard it crunch and looked back at it... damn it was so funny, I don't know why. I started laughing in the hall like a retard. While I'm at it, in homeroom, these two guys that sit near the back room are always yelling these things really loud. The teacher's name is Mrs. Stumpf and the yell things (covering their mouths, to muffle it) like "Stumpf nuts!", "Stumpf sex!", "saggy titties!", "penis!" and things of that nature... and I mean LOUD. She unbelievably must not hear them... I cannot see how, though. And there is this funny girl in my English class, that always says weird things that do not make sense. She is always telling her friends things like "Oh, so you go out with Roast?" And she makes up names of guys, like Kaleidoscope and Kroger. And today her friend had on an orange shirt, so she was like "Shut your tangerine mouth!..." and she had on an orange shirt as well, and said it was the color of her school bus (which is not that dark an orange) and people were like "You must ride the slow bus!" And she was like "No, it's a big bus!" And they were all being extremely loud and the old senile teacher was like "Why do you have to be so loud!" and the girl was like "They are talking about my bus!" DAMN and she said the girl with the orange shirt looked like a desert. She is so weird and funny.. well, from what I wrote it probably sounds stupid as hell but you would have to be there. Yo mamma is so fat and black, she jumped into the ocean and people thought she was an oil spill :)

12/16/01
*School Buses*
Why do people call them yellow? If anything they are orange. Maybe not pure orange, but more oraNge than yellow. Orange-yellow, you could say. But come on, then are not even near the color of bright pure regular yellow. They are more orange! NOT YELLOW!

This is yellow.

This is orange.

bus

What color does this school bus look like to you?

12/26/01
*What You Don't Know, Can't Hurt You*
That is a very true statement... yet also very false. I mean, if someone put poison in your drink without you knowing, of course it would hurt you. But say you think the dishes in the dishwasher were clean, when they were really dirty. You use a dirty fork. You don't know it is dirty, and if you never will know, then it did no harm. The only thing that would make that gross is if you knew in your mind at the time that the fork was in fact dirty. "What you don't know can't hurt you" is my motto. Sometimes when I go get my mom a drink, I'll drink some out of the cup. She probably woudn't mind even if she knew, but since she doesn't know it makes no difference. My friend leaves her body wash over here by accident. I'll use a little, it's not like she will ever find out. And I could go on and on. I even do it to myself. Just a few minutes ago I looked in the dishwasher, trying to distinquish whether the dishes were clean or not. I couldn't tell, but just told myself they were clean. If they were dirty, makes no difference because I told myself they were clean, and believed it. I do that quite often to myself, actually. I sure do.

5/18/02
*Children*
GOD!! The people in my biology class are so, so, SO immature and STUPID! We watched a simple, slightly lame movie about reptiles today and it was as if a bunch of 5-year-olds were watching a gruesome horror movie. "Oh my god!! Ewww! Look at the snake! It's crawling!!!" "That's disguisting! I can't look at this!" And yes, one girl turned away when the movie showed little snakes crawling around. They don't shut up in that class, they can't handle anything! Yesterday we watched a movie about amphibians. "Eww it's so ugly!" "Gross! It's all wet!" Jesus! Get a freakin' grip, they are only animals!
One highly religious senior in that class always says something about certain animals being satanic. He's like, "Why are those so vicious? They must be possessed by the Devil..." And the girl who says everything is disguisting... snakes, frogs, bugs, they are all repulsive too her. I just want to say, "Hey, they are all "God's" creatures, right? You disrespect his creations, you disrespect him. You must not like God, then, since you are disrespecting him and his creations." Hehe, I'd like to see her reaction to that.
 
6/1/02
*These People Exist*
 
"Hey, you would be really hot, if only you had boobs."
"Go to hell."
"You go to hell, and grow some boobs while you're there, bitch."
 
"Hi, where are you from?"
"Georgia."
"Hi, where are you from?"
"You just asked that."
"Well I'm asking again."
"Why? I answered."
"I forgot dumbass."
"Perhaps you should take some of your memory pills."
"Perhaps you should ram a cock up your ass, slut."
 
These are real conversations. Both of which I had today. How can people like this exist in out society? There are plenty of "evil" acts that I can accept and tolerate, and of which I do myself, but people like this really make me upset. I hope very bad things happen to them. Very bad.
 
6/30/02
*Morons*
       Morons, morons, morons, morons, morons, morons. I can't stop thinking about morons and idiots. All these moronic idiots and idiotic morons... jesus christ I'm going crazy. I'm going to fucking kill myself because of all you fucking idiots. Unless you have some kind of mental disorder, there is no excuse.
        Okay. I was talking to this 18-year-old male the other day. He spelled actually as accutally. I thought it was a typo... but then soon realized it was not. I told him, "Can't you see the 2 words would be pronounced totally different? Accutally would be "ack-oo-tally". He started talking about how online people speak informally and spell things the way they sound. That in NO way applies to this! NO one says ack-oo-tally! Then he asked, "Okay, if you are so smart..." and he asked me a trivia-type question about ancient history. I told him, "I don't know, but the importance of knowing a lot of useless historical facts is much less important than knowing the simple spelling of a simple, everyday word." And get this. He said MOST people would not know how to spell the word ACTUALLY! He said at least half of americans would not, and that everyone he knows would probably misspell it the first time. What kind of idiot-filled world does he live in?
       I don't understand... I don't understand why so many people are so fucking stupid. IS IT JUST ME? Me and just a select few others. Some seem to understand my pain. But all the rest... something is wrong with their brains. Or perhaps something is wrong with mine... but the reverse effect. No... they are all just complete idiots.
       Everyone does this... fucking morons. Many people, INCLUDING my previous math teacher, pronounce the word height with a "th" sound at the end. "Heighth". The word ends with a fucking T sound, like kite. It is pronounced HITE. Get it? If you pronounce it with a "th" then get it straight you moron. You are wrong, and an idiot for it.
 
UPDATE 6/4/03
Notice that this update is almost exactly a year later from the "morons" post. I was just reading through these entries, and especially with this morons one... damn, Christel. Do you really have to cuss so much? That's horrible dude. I was evil. But if you think the previous post is evil, read the next one. Dead rotting bodies and mass-killing fantasies. I had so much anger. I'm quite glad those days are over. I don't feel that way anymore... really. I'm a nice person.
 
11/20/02
*Invisible*

       Seriously, I must be invisible. Either that or people are purposefully trying to make me miserable and piss me off.
       For instance, I will use today as an example. After school, I go out front and wait for my second load bus to come. I have to wait for about 15-20 minutes, so I usually sit down on the curb and do homework, or just stare into space. Well today I found a nice place to sit with a wide empty range of no people around me, so I figured it was "safe". (You don't want to sit where a bunch of people are standing, that's in invitation to get stepped all over and crowded in.) So I started doing my anatomy homework.
       After a short while, these 2 girls walk by and happen to stop right in front of me and they start chetting with eachother. RIGHT in front of me, towering over my head. Did they not notice I was there? There was a shit load of empty space all around, but they just happened to stop right there to talk. Okay, fine... it's not like I need a good view, since I was doing homework.
       So, they had many other friends come over. Every few minutes someone else would come over. Soon I was surrounded with a person on each side of me, 360, all less than a foot from me. They were all facing inward the small circle talking to eachother, with me in the middle. Okay... um... could they not see there is a girl sitting there trying to do her homework? Why were they standing around towering above me? Why there? I MUST have been invisible. There's no other explanation.
       Or maybe they are all just against me... they just want to vex the shit out of me, being the disrespectful bunch of asinine idiots they are. And the reason I keep mentioning them being black is because you know how many black people are so rowdy, loud, spastic in their movements, and the list goes on. Especially when they laugh.. they spas out all over the damn place. Jesus.
       Not only was I crouded in to a tiny, claustrophobic area, but people were walking into me, tripping over me, stepping on me, and hitting me with shit by "accident". One person said he was sorry... no, not because of something he did, but because the girl beside me had swung her purse and hit me in the head. Not the first time that happened. I've also been hit in the head with bookbags.
       Seriously. Something's not right here. Am I actually invisible? Jesus fucking christ. I don't get it. If I had a gun with me, I would have shot at least one of those morons. No, I'm not joking. And yes, I know the consequences... but I think it's worth it. To finally get some kind of revenge. Those disrespectful sons of bitches deserve to die, and the world would be a much better place with their dead bodies rotting in the ground with millions of people stepping all over them, no one giving a damn. Forgotton forever... that's what they deserve.
       Then on the bus, this boy sitS by me. He's not black, but equally as vexatious as they come. Such a superficial, shallow little boy as well.
       Well, he starts looking through my purse. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE? I slightly snapped on him... well, it was a snap for me. I never snap on people, no matter how much they piss me off. I just deal with it... even though I'd be screaming for mercy inside, yelling out every cuss word I can possible think of and fantasizing about wonderful mass-killing scenerios. Ugh... how I want to kill.
       So he left me alone. He pesters me all the time. So do many people. I just want to be left alone by these people, jesus. Can't they see it doesn't amuse me? I give dirty looks on purpose, to make them leave me alone.
       But I don't feel this way toward everyone. For instance, I love everyone in my orchestra class. No one in there bothers me one bit. I like when they play around and talk to me, I like them. They are very respectful people, and incredibly nice. God I love them so fucking much... most of them are seniors and will be gone next year. That saddens me to a great extent.
       Anyway, I'm missing South Park. Bye.

9/8/01
*The Idiots in This World*
Well one thing I can't stand is how stupid some people are. I mean... especially teachers. I live in georgia, and as everyone knows we have some stupid ass teachers here... now I'm not saying they are all stupid, but a whole lot are. My english teacher this year mispronounces a lot of words... I mean come on they are not that hard! A couple that come to mind are ignominious and pestiferous. Even a student should be able to say those, and if you can't then you are pretty stupid. Well, at first glance you may say ignominious wrong, but when you really look at it you will know. Anyway, if you think she is dumb then you haven't seen anything yet. In 7th grade I had this teacher in reading. She was the absolute stupidest PERSON I have ever met. I mean, she is nice, but she's a freakin idiot. She could not pronounce simple 3 letter words... in that class we were doing s phonics program. No, we weren't stupid (well, most of them were) but it was just to help us. My teacher said "We can all read simple 3 letter words because we have seen them and memorized them before. Now let's see if we would be able to read 3 letter words that we have never seen before." And they were just made up words like lin and fip. Jesus christ! Would you believe she had trouble saying those, and so did the students?! Oh my fucking god I could not believe it! You don't learn words by memorizing them, you learn them by knowing how to fucking read! I mean... sometimes I would sit in that class, trying not to cry, seriously. I just wanted to shout out "What the hell is wrong with you people?! How the hell is it even possible to be that dumb?!" How IS it possible, anyway? People that stupid have to have some kind of brain problems because it is just not possible. Anyway, enough on that. I can't stand stupid people so if you are stupid don't talk to me!

9/10/01
*Teacher's Mistake*
Today we were going over our vocabulary in english and I caught my teacher on another mistake. This time she spelled one of the words wrong on the list... I had noticed when I looked up the words for homework... for some reason I was the only one who noticed. I looked up the word and there was no such thing, but I found one that was exactly like it but with a letter missing. Anyway I told her and she went to go look it up with her slow self. Lol I am so mean! She's like an old lady... she kind of reminds me of my grandma... lol.

9/18/01
*More Idiots*
I don't know what it is but people are so stupid! Well another thing happened in English yesterday. This time it was the students who were the idiots. One of our vocabulary words was paroxysm. That is not hard to say. The teacher pronounced it (correctly) for the class, yet people continued to raise their hand and ask for the pronounciation several times... this one girl tried to say it a few times, but it took her a while before she actually got it. Lol why are these people so stupid? I seriously don't understand it. I tell my mom about these things and she thinks it is totally unbelievable that these people are so idiotic. I know it's not because I am somehow extremely smart, they are just idiots. Just imagin, these people are our future!

9/25/01
*Lynx*

Just incase you did not know what a lynx is, it is a type of cat. Anyway, you probably know how to pronouce it. Like 'links'. My friend in my sixth period class calls it a 'linch'. I corrected her on it, but she still calls it a linch. I don't know, maybe she forgot or something. I don't want to diss her or anything, since she is my friend, but it still kind of bothers me that she pronouces lynx like linch. It is actually a little amusing. Well I suppose that is all for today. Later.

10/1/01
*Senile?*

You can easily sound out the word odorophonics. Oh-dor-oh-phonics, correct? My english teacher pronounced it ordophonics. Or-doh-phonics. I think maybe she is senile with age. I mean, if you have read all my entries on this page then you have seen how many times she has, well, been stupid. I think she is retiring in a couple years. She needs too right freaking now.

10/26/01
*One Minute Behind*

This is just something bizarre I was thinking about today. What if the images your eyes saw did not get signaled to your brain until a minute has passed, and the same with your hearing. You heard and saw everything a minute late. Think about it... you are sitting in class at school, and the bell rings. Everyone flies out of their seats and rushes out of the room. But since you see and hear a minute late, you do not see this. Everyone is still seated, going on with their business. After a minute has passed, then you hear the bell and see all the people (which are now imaginary) rush out of the room. You get up and go to the door, but run right into it, although it is open, in your head. Here is another example. Think of yourself walking through the crouded hall at school (seeing and hearing everything a minute late, of course.) The people you are seeing were actually there one minute ago, so you are constantly running into people, but you cannot see them. The people you do see, you pass right through them, since they are not really there anymore. It is like being blind. You have no idea where everyone is and run into people. How bizarre would that be?

11/21/01
*Minds*

I was thinking... there are some people who only think in pictures. They do not say things in their minds... they only think in pictures. That seems impossible. When you are talking to someone, how do you know what you are going to say without thinking about it first? I guess you just say it... but how do you think at all? How can you write a letter... you cannot write it from pictures. You would have to say things outloud, I guess... I still don't get it. And what about animals? I turn to look at my cat, which triggers a meow. She comes up and jumps into my lap and starts purring... what is she thinking? Or the question is, HOW is she thinking? She does not know English... does she have some kind of secret language? Meows, perhaps... but how could you possibly think with just meows? How does she think, "Hey, she just looked at me... she must want me to come over, so here I go!" By just looking and knowing? It is hard for me to explain this... minds are just the strangest things.

11/24/01
*Absolute Morons*

On the news, this one guy asked this other guy, "Why do you wear your (pin or something) on your jacket?" When what he really meant was, "Why don't you where it on shirt, instead of your jacket?" And he did not even realize he asked it in such a stupid way. The guy's answer to why he wore it on his jacket was because it made him proud. The other guy didn't understand why he gave that answer. If he had asked the question the right way, he would have gotten the answer he expected. Another dumbass is Sally Jesse Raphael. On one show, there was this couple. I forget what it was all about but I remember the guy saying, "You don't necessarily have to have kids when you are married." Which I agree with, obviously. Well, stupid Sally misunderstood him. She replied with this: "See, I disagree. I think you should be married to have kids. You should not have them unless you are married..." blah blah blah... lol Sally, that is not what he was talking about, idiot! Damn... morons.

1/8/02
*Whoa*

Yes, whoa. Lately I have been seeing people spell it "woah." It's spelled whoa, okay?

1/31/02
*Oh my GOD what IDIOTS!*
You know the word conquistadors, right? My history teacher pronounces it "coquistadors," without the 'n' and the 'o' having the long o sound. What a fucking idiot! Oh oh, and there was this dude's name in our history book... his last name was Pizarro. Several students in the class pronounced it "Parizzo." Parizzo?! GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS?! Well, not you, but them! Ugh! Fuckers! STOP BEING SO STUPID!

2/4/02
*Teacher of Stupidity*
Today in class we were doing an analogy.
Dance : Tango :: ?

Two of the answers were:
1. Fruit : Mango
2. Play : Violin

To my knowledge, both of those could be the answer. If you said the Tango is a type of dance, then a mango is a type of fruit. Therefore, the first choice is the answer. But, you could also say that you could dance the Tengo... you can play the violin. The second choice could also be the answer, am I right? My teacher insisted that the first choice was the only answer, and everyone in the class agreed (being the mindless zombies that they are) except for one boy. He pointed out the possibility of the second answer. The teacher kept telling him, "The Tango is a type of dance, is the violin a type of play? No!" And she would not let him explain that dance could be used as a verb, not a noun. She does that a lot... just cutting people off and not listening to them. God what an idiot. She usually only does that when she knows she is wrong, but this time I don't even think she knew... oh well.

10/1/02
*An Actual, REAL Journal Entry*
       Wow, I have no life. Well, technically we all have lives, because we are all living, but of course I'm not speaking of it in that sense. Every day I come home after school and play Donkey Kong and watch TV. I only talk to about 3 people online sometimes and I never talk on the phone. There is really only one person I talk to on a regular basis at school. I really take no part in my current friends' lives, as they are always busy, but of course I know it's mainly because of the job. They can't help their hectic lives.
       I'd get a job, but I don't use money. I don't buy things... I don't want things. For the past couple of years when my mom asks what I want for Christmas and my birthday I say I want nothing. There is really nothing I want... but of course she gets me stuff anyway. But we are poor, so I figure it's best not to spend it on useless things for me that I don't need. We are really in a money bind now, though. With our first payment for my school trip to Orlando, we can't really buy any food for a while, much less anything else. We only get one social security check now, I don't really know how long that's been going on, but it sucks. We are going to try to get food stamps again. Woohoo! And I've been needing to get reduced or free lunches at school, but I've always felt to weird to ask for a form. Damn me.
       Geez... I envy people with friends. Friends close to home that you can see every day. If you are bored, you can just walk on over to their house. You often get unplanned surprise visits. Damn it. It used to be like that when I was little. Those were the days. I'm afraid I will remain completely alone forever. Can't I at least have a brother or a sister? Why must I be an only child? Jesus christ. At least I have school. I'd be dead if I didn't have school to go to. There is no point in living when there are no people in your life, when everything you do is only for yourself and no one else to witness. What's the point of making art and music and other shit if you are the only one who will see or hear it?
       God I want to go somewhere with someone. Anywhere. A restaurant, the movies, the street, anywhere! I'm isolated in my stupid loneliness. Mom is never here. She's always at her boyfriend's house. She spends the night there, and I don't see her in the morning. I only see her when I get home from school, but then she leaves after a while to begin the cycle again.
       I talk to myself all the time... I sometimes have very meaningful conversations with myself. I suppose it's because I have no actual people to talk to, so I have to talk to myself. I can give myself great advice sometimes. You just don't know how meaningful it is to talk with yourself until you actually do it a lot. You can answer unanswered questions, realize the pros and cons to certain things that you would have never thought about before. It really is like 2 different people.
       Wow, a real journal entry. I'm just extremely bored. I need to find another book to read. I just finished Getting Back. I started it months ago and stopped because it got boring... but then I started it back up again and all the action started happening. I read it for the 25 minutes of freetime I had at school in the morning. My bus gets there so early. But since I finished that book and had nothing to do in that freetime (besides all my homework if I had any) I started writing a kind of... sequel to Getting Back. It's 2 full pages long so far (front and back) and actually I don't really like it. At least it's something to do. Oh well, the end. I hope no one reads this.
 
6/4/03
*Reflection and Update*
        As you may know, there are many, many entries in here about "idiots" and "morons". Those were all during my 10th grade year in high school, now I'm in 12th. About to be, anyway. I just wanted to say that during my 11th grade year, I didn't have nearly as many idiot teacher problems as I did in 10th grade. I didn't really have any problems at all. So 10th grade was just a very unlucky year, teacher wise. I just want to say thanks to all my teachers this previous year... you're not stupid! I am somewhat ashamed of a lot of those entries though, about idiots, because it makes it seem like I tihnk I'm some sort of genius prodigy. I'm not. I just notice when people can spell or pronounce things very, very wrong. I'm just good with words I guess. That makes up for my weakness in math, so it all works out.
       Anyway, what's new? It's been a while since I wrote in here. I have a boyfriend who I love. Sid. Since I've been with him, my attitude towards the world and people has changed quite a bit, in a good way. I don't feel isolated and apart from the world anymore. He's opened me up to new things, and brought me out of my slight depression of loneliness. I never new how good it could feel having someone there who cares about you, and you can do the same for them. Well I don't want to get all teary or anything so I'll stop here. I love you Sid.
 
7/18/03
*A Tragic End*
     Today was perhaps the last day I'll ever see Sid again for a very long time. We broke up last night over the phone... I just had to see him again so I asked him to come over today. I didn't quite understand why he didn't want to see me... but now I do. Still, I'm glad he came... as depressing as it was. It wasn't an angry break up, but a mutual, sad one... very, very sad. We knew our relationship couldn't work because of our extreme contrast in beliefs. I didn't think it would hurt this much... I knew we would break up, but had no idea it would be like this. I make bad assumptions about what I would feel like if something happened. For instance, before me dad died I remember telling myself, "If he died... I wouldn't care. I wouldn't cry at all... I just wouldn't care." And I was completely serious. To this day I can't understand how I was serious when thinking that. And when the time actually came, the outcome was the extreme opposite of what I thought.
     And the same thing has happened again... sort of. I lost someone else I loved. I didn't realize so many things until it was over. I just think of all the good times... big and small, and I can't believe that is over. Before Sid, I was just lonely little Christel who was alone all the time doing her own thing. I didn't really mind it, only because I didn't know anything else. But then Sid came and my life completely changed. First of all I would have never imagined having a boyfriend that soon in my life.. it was the most bizarre thing that had ever happened to me. And then the relationship went on... and I got used to that lifestyle. And I learned so much from Sid. He changed my outlook on life and a part of me personality as well. I'm a new person because of him. And it's like... during the time we were together, it was like time came to a blissful stop. Now, suddenly, time has continued on... it started in exactly the same place I left it. And now it's horrible. I don't want to go back to the way I was. Lonely and taciturn, distant from the world. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. This summer has about 5 weeks left. 5 weeks of torture. I will do absolutely nothing. I have absolutely nothing to do, no one to see. Life is back to normal.
     Whoa I didn't intend to write about all that.  I can't imagin the pain he must feel also. It just makes me want to die. He told me not to look at it as an end, but a new beginning. But a new beginning to what? It's a complete end... it's all over. For now. There's nothing new to begin except the continuation of my shitty life. It wasn't so shitty to me before but like I said, that was before I realized how great it could otherwise be. Anyway... I'll get back to my miserably lonesome life of nothing.

2/7/02
*What Can I Say?*
I mentioned before of how my history teacher pronounced "carolingian" as "carloginian" but this time, he wrote it on the board, and spelled it the way he pronounced it. I had my history book open, looking at the word "carolingian" and looked up at the board at "carloginian." I can't believed he spelled it how he said it. Ugh, the ignorance! Wait... no, not ignorance, STUPIDITY!

2/10/02
*Knowledge*
I've noticed something quite odd about the way I speak in my head and while typing, opposed to offline. Typing/writing, I tend to have pretty good grammar, and speak correctly. My vocabulary tends to be very good as well. Same goes for when I think to myself. I find myself saying big words that just naturally pop out... in "real life" I don't say things like that... often, anyway. I even tend to speak incorrectly, such as saying something like, "No she don't!" If I were to type that online, I would not even think about saying "don't," I would just naturally say "doesn't." It would just sound totally weird and off. I wonder why when I normally speak to my friends or mom, an incorrect word would just naturally pop out. I always think about it right after I say it though, and wonder, "Damn! Why the hell did I say that? I know if I was thinking to myself or typing, I would not even think to say that." It pisses me off... I can't express my intelligence to the world as I can online and in writing. I have been waiting for an opportunity to write something for school... but there hasn't been one. I have had absolutely no writing projects/assignments all year. But two are coming... yes, two! But not exactly what I want... I wish we could choose any topic to write about... that would be an absolute dream. But they are just research papers, having to be about a specific topic the teacher gives us.
I have always wanted people to think I was super intelligent... I have always wanted to speak with such correctness, and have people in awe with my vocabulary. Just doesn't happen. Every once in a while, but not often, like I long for it to be. Sometimes I stay up for almost hours at times, talking to myself at night... wishing someone could hear me, because of how intelligently I speak when I am by myself. I wish I knew everything... that is why I have my never ending "Quest to Success" as I call it... always doing unnecessary research online, looking shit up just for the knowledge of it. I want to know everything! Name a subject, and I could tell you almost everything about it. Hey, I'm getting close. Maybe someday I'll get there... or pretty damn close. Ugh... I'm frustrated. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Remember that. It's the truest thing you will ever hear.

2/12/02
*Animal Farm*
I posted this in a forum at facethejury.com, and thought I might as well put it here too:
Has anyone read the novel, "Animal Farm"? I think there is a movie too. I have read most of it. Anyway, I don't think the book is meant to have to do with anything religious, but I think the animals on the farm are just like many of the people in this world who believe in God. Napoleon, the pig, soon becomes the "leader" of Animal Farm... (note that the animals have human characteristics.) After a while, he has the animals brainwashed into thinking that everything good that happens is because of him. Example: a hen lays 5 eggs in 6 eggs and says, "Thanks of Napoleon, I have layed 5 eggs in 6 days!" Obviously Napoleon had nothing to do with the number of eggs she laid, it just happened. Most all the animals on the farm said things like that. It is just like how people say things like, "I survived this plane crash, all thanks to God!" And people believe that all the "miracles" that happen are the work of God. No, things just happen. That is why many religious people who believe in God remind me of the brainwashed animals of "Animal Farm".

2/11/02
*Explanations*
Religion was created to explain how things came to be, and to fill the emptyness in people's lives. They were too lazy to try to really figure things out, so they made up their own little stories, including God and the rediculous theory that he created the earth and all that is in existance today. "God gave me brown hair." No he didn't genetics did. "God saved me during the shooting." No he didn't, it just happened by chance. It was all made up to explain everything in this world. It just all happened to catch on over hundreds of years, because people were brainwashed as they were raised. Only the most intelligent stray off and try to figure things out for their own. They don't except blind beliefs... they are curious to know what is really real. Africans made up explanation stories as well... how the elephant got its trunk, how the bird got its beak, etc. They are obviously not true, just made up to give people some explanations, just like many of todays religions. Hopefully, religions such as Christianity today will soon become non-existant, like the mythical Greek Gods back in Ancient Rome. We now know those gods were just made up and created. Soon, maybe, people will figure out such people as God, (the guy in the beard and long, flowing robe) are myths as well. Why people believe in mythical things, I'll never
know.
 
2/25/02
*Wondering/Wandering*
So many people spell wondering as wandering. "Oh, I was wandering if..." It's wondering, geez. I even saw someone say this once, "My mind was just wondering off." In that case, it is wandering. This is not hard, people. Learn to spell!
 
2/25/02
*Perhaps I'm Going Crazy*
I was just reading over this page, and realized a huge ass majority of it is about idiots and how I cannot stand them and how much they stress me out and how I cannot understand how it is possisle for people to be so god damn stupid, (please excuse my run-on sentence.) And if I let this rule my life, I am going to go crazy. I just can't stand it... no matter how hard I try... stupid people are the majority. I need to learn to deal with that. But I can't! Why does it have to be this way?! I wonder ever so much if it's the person's fault for being so moronic or if they truly cannot help it... it's just their brain. I'll never know... or perhaps I will, one day. I just don't undertand it... I don't get how an individual can be so highly stupid, so brainwashed, so unable to think for themselves and to just go with whatever they hear, so idiotic in common sense, logic, spelling easy as shit words, pronouncing easy as shit words... PRONOUNCING PIZARRO AS PARIZZO! God damn these fuckers! What is wrong with their brains? Why? WHY? Shit! What? Ugh! Sure, people are able to make simple mistakes, as long as they realize it afterword. And when I say stupid people, I don't mean if you ask them about extremophiles and they have no idea what the hell those are, then they are just total idiots... no, that is just mere ignorance, not stupidity. It truly isn't their fault if they have no idea what a virtuoso is or if they can't explain what a chimera is and how it works, or if in fact they don't know the meaning of antidisestablishmentarianism. Now if  you can't spell it, then there is a problem. Believe it or not, that is not a hard word to spell. Anyway, I'm talking... well, you know waht I'm talking about, I'm not going to repeat myself. A 15 year old not knowing what menopause is... what is up with that? (Eh hem... sorry to the person who didn't know, if you read this.) Anyway, that is my steam let-out for today. Have a nice day!
 
3/1/02
*Obnoxiousness and Annoyance*
In my last period class, all these black girls kept singing church songs... about the lord and shit. It was so damn annoying, people were trying to do their work, and they were SO FUCKING LOUD. This one girl, the loudest most obnoxious girl I've ever met, is the most ignorant and prejudice girl ever. She is always dissing white people, saying things like "Where would ya'll be wifout black folk? We invented irons, blah blah blah..." You must imagine her speaking with a highly ebonical accent. lol well white people pretty much created this nation. I've only heard her say one good thing about white people, and it was about our conditioner. I hate how she talks... she leaves off the 's' on the end of every word that ends with an 's'. She pronounces ignorant as 'ignent'. She calls cheese chee... Dr. Suess Dr. sue... (just gathering examples from today.) She laughs so horribly annoying and she has a huge-ass attitude about everything. She never stops talking, it hurts my ears. Oh, and she sits right behind me. Sometimes she will go into a violent, spastic laughter and kick my chair. I don't think I have disliked someone so much... that I rarely even talk to. I have plenty of tolerance for other loud, obnoxious people, but it's just something about her. Ironically I'm nice to her, as in if she were to talk to me. Going back, I hate those damn lord Jesus songs... ugh, horrible.
 
3/9/02
*Super Extreme Dumbass*
Another saddening story about my dumbass history teacher. Okay, well, one of the people we were learning about had the last name of Bolivar, yet my teacher continued to call him Boliviar. We even watched a video, and the guy on the video said Bolivar... I would think that my teacher would learn from that, but he didn't. Oh, and it gets worse. On our test, he even SPELLED it Boliviar, as he says it! Jesus what a fucking retard.
 
4/8/02
*Stupid, Gullible Pushovers*
One thing that I really dislike sometimes about my school is that a lot of the time things are not planned and set... they are just so spontanious. Things such as tests and when things are due. Teachers postpone and change the dates of everything. One specific case that really pissed me off is that in Spanish, we were suppose to have a test on the last day before spring break. It had been planned for more than a week. See, this is how I study (when necessary): Right before the test. Either in the class before, in the morning sometime, or during that class right before the test is passed out. I remember things much better that way and think it is just a waste of time studying things days before. Anyway, I was all ready for the test... during class, students were complaining to the teacher saying things like, "Oh come on, you don't want to give us the test!" And after a few minutes, the teacher gave in and didn't give us the test. I though, big fuckin mistake... she would give it to us when we got back from spring break. Hello?! We will have forgotten everything by then! So anyway, we just watched a movie the rest of the period. Today was the first day back to school after spring break. She was about to give us the test... which I had forgotten about and forgotten everything that was going to be on it... but thankfully she didn't give it to us today, we just reviewed for it which will be tomorrow. Just imagin, if she had givin it to us when she was freakin supposed to, we would not be two damn days behind and it would all be over. Some teachers let students do whatever they want and get there way. I hate it. But there are some teachers that are powerful and have a nice, steady class and do everything on schedule. That can be boring and routine, but at least it isn't really stressful and frustrating. Anyway, that is just another reason why I really dislike my school. Our teachers are stupid, gullible pushovers... bastards.
 
4/10/02
*Aliens are From the Future!*

Recently I was reading up on time travel. I found a very interesting theory... while a tad far-fetched, I found it cool, lol. Well, here it is:
Those so-called aliens that we are always hearing about aren't exactly what we think. The theory says that they are humans from the future. Let me explain. Far, far, far, far, FAR in the future, after having colonized on other planets and having lived on them for tens of thousands of years, we will have invented time travel. With this time travel, we will come back to the past (which is today, the present) and the UFO's and aliens people see are those humans from the future. The future people may have come here out of curiosity, to get things needed, or whatever. But why, you may ask, are these alien people so bizarre looking and different looking from humans? Well, as people who have claimed to have encountered these aliens explain, they have very small and scrawny bodies. This would be because in the future, we have machines to do all the work for us... we would seldom need to use our own physical strength. The big eyes are because of either too much pollution (little light passes through) or the planet is rather far from the sun... or whatever sun they may have. They have such big heads and don't orally communicate because of increased brain use.
That pretty much sums it up. Interesting theory :)
 
4/11/02
*Too Much... Just Too Much...*
Jesus... yet another entry about my stupid-ass history teacher. This time the word he mispronounced was risogemento. He mispronounced it as resemento. Does he not see the 'g'? Hahaha... oh, oh! He also made another mistake which someone in the class ACTUALLY CORRECTED HIM ON! That has NEVER happened before! We were talking about the country Libya, which he pronounced as Liberia... a totally different country. Someone said, "Liberia? Don't you mean Libya? Liberia doesn't have anything to do with..." whatever... and that was the first time I've ever seen him corrected. Muy interesante :)
Keep in mind that I don't talk about every mistake he or any of my other teachers (the idiot ones, of course) make. The things I talk about on this page are just the more vivid idiot teacher mistakes that I remember after a day at school. If I wrote about all their mistakes... (actually, I should just call it their plain stupidity),  then this page would be a mile long. That's all. Byebye :)
 
4/14/02
*Shoes*

What is the big deal about shoes? Why do people like shoes so much? People feel as if they must get shoes over $50 or... jesus I don't know. THEY'RE JUST SHOES, PEOPLE, GET IT IN YOUR HEAD! No one freaking looks down at your damn shoes and envies you because of them. Decent people don't look down at everyone's shoes and determine what kind of person you are because of your shoes. People who take note of what kind of shoes someone is wearing are just shallow and moronic. People who voluntarily get shoes over $100 are absolutely pathetic. Someone who cares so much about shoes that they have to buy them over $100 is sad. And waht makes it even MORE pathetic is that these people get a new pair each month! And what increases the patheticness of this is that they have a pair to match everything they wear! Geez! I have one pair of sandals and one pair of regular shoes. Both were under $20 and are perfectly decent. I get about one pair of shoes a year and I just got new sandals... my first new pair since I was in 5th grade. Yes, they lasted that long and I've always had big feet. I just don't understand this shoe craze. Who the fuck cares?! And if you do, then I feel extremely sorry for you.
 
4/23/02
*Squid*
We dissected squids yesterday at school. Everyone thought they were so disgusting... and they were... at first. They smelled really bad and all. After we did some cutting and stuff, it started to look quite appetizing. It looked like beautiful chicken... I swear I almost went down to take a bite. Such smooth, white, juicy meat... geez. I told my friend that I thought it looked kind of good, although I told myself to keep that thought in. She thought I was absolutely crazy. I'm sorry but that squid looked good... people eat squid too, you know. I can't stop thinking about it. You think I'm joking? I'm not. I will always have that sweet, sweet picture in my head... mmm... squid...
 
4/27/02
*Pictures*
I was talking to someone (who may possibly read this) and he seemed really cool. He showed no signs of extreme shallowness and we had very decent and fun conversations. Then he mentioned how I don't like when people ask me for pictures on facethejury.com. He said because I clearly stated that I despise anyone who asks, he didn't ask. For that reason alone... yet it did not mean he wasn't thinking it. We got into a huge argument. The reason I dislike people SO much when they ask me for pics is because on FTJ I have 16 of them right there in my profile. You would think that would be enough, but noooo. He also thought the amount on my website AND FTJ combined was not enough. Last time I counted, I had EXACTLY 100 pics of me on this very website. 100+16=116. 116 pictures is apparently not enough for some people, they STILL have to ask for more. This guy thought that I was crazy for refusing to give people anymore pics and for disliking it SO much when they ask. He said that just because someone wants more than 116 pics, they are not shallow. I'm sorry buddy, but if someone requests more than 116 pics of me, THEN THEY ARE SHALLOW. I'd like to see anyone disagree. 
 
4/27/02
*Sally's Stupidity*
You know the talk show, Sally, right? Well, sometimes Sally is incredibly stupid (not to mention annoying). Look at this conversation:
 
Some Guy: Sally, I think that you do not have to have children when you are married. You marry because of the love you have with your partner
Sally: No, I disagree. I strongly believe that you DO have to be married to have children. They need to grow up in a stable environment.
 
That was absolutely NOT what that guy was saying! She needs to learn to comprehend what people say, what an idiot.
 
5/10/02
*Books*
Some people might think this sounds weird, stupid, or odd, but my favorite book is Lord of the Flies. I have never spoken to someone who loved it as much as I did. They either just like it, think it's okay, dislike it, hate it, or think it is the absolute most stupid book ever written. A majority ranging in the dislike area. I love it... not just the great symbolism and analysis, but just the wonderful adventure of it! I'd love it even if I had no idea how to analyze it, but it sure does add much more to like.
 
Some people like books about people living normal civilian lives. Problems occure, etc. I like books that take me out of civilian life. They take me far, far away and it's like I am there, in a completely different and exciting world and forget where I am... it feels awesome. Then I'll snap back into reality and be like, whoa, I'm not there, I'm here... in a normal life. Much like a dream! I'll be transported to a completely different world, or a completely different society, so fascinating. I come back here and I'm disappointed. I like books like that. Huge-ass adventure and excitement. Lord of the Flies is like that. It also makes you think... a lot. How things would be if... well, I'd have to give a brief summary of the novel if you haven't read it so you know what I'm talking about. Frankly, I don't really feel like doing that. I should because I really want to say more... it won't really be of any use though, will it? I'll stop here then.
 
 9/6/02
*Donkey Kong Country*

       Ah... I've rediscovered the wonderful world of Donkey Kong. Perhaps I should start from the beginning...
       When I was little, I got a Super Nintendo one Chrismas, along with the game Donkey Kong Country. I grew to love that game so much. I would play it every day, I was obsessed. I was so happy when I finally beat it... and throughout the years, I became so good at it that I could beat it in a matter of hours. Shortly after I got DKC, I got DKC2 and DKC3. With the help of a friend, I beat those as well. The teamwork was incredible.
       Anyway, after a few year, my rat chewed through the wires of my SNES and it was rendered unplayable. Oh well.
       I went on without my SNES for years, growing up, slowely forgetting the wonderful world of Donkey Kong. Then I discovered emulators and roms.
       Emulators are like video game systems that you download on your computer. Actually, that is exactly what they are. So I downloaded Super Nintendo and jumped on downloading the roms (games) of DKC, DKC2 and DKC3.
       I turned on DKC and it was as if I was sent back in time. All those wonderful memories popped right out at me, and I was hooked.
       I remembered those nights... sitting alone in my room with the lights off, playing DKC. I was in the game. My heart pounding, my palms sweaty and cold, it was terrifying. It would all be going good... all quiet and calm... BAM! A kremling pops out at me and kills me! I jump histerically, able to actually hear my heart. Thumpety thump! Thumpety thump! Thumpety thump! I take a deep breath and try again. I go through all the trauma once again, but this time I make it. I sigh a huge sigh, sit back, and a tear rolls down my cheek. A tear of happiness and joy.
       That is no exaggeration, my friend. That was how it was. I never remembered that until a week ago when I played it on my emulator the music reminding me of the past. Wow, it's just a game... I can't believe it was so intense. But it was. And it is.
       Since I am older, the games do not effect my emotions to that extent anymore, but they still do effect it. Now I'm not so sucked into the game, but realize that I am in my own separate world, not the world of Donkey Kong.
       When I played DKC2 and DKC3, it reminded me of the times my friend and I would play. There were 3 modes in the games; 1 player, 2 player team, and 2 player contest. We always played 2 player team, and it was bliss. I don't know what it was... we were both so intensely into the game, we both planned out strategies and figured out what we must do to beat each level, and we both had the same goals.
       I realize that I probably will not have that blissful feeling ever again. No one wants to play Donkey Kong now. That friend of mine is on his own somewhere, doing his own thing, I never see him anymore. I know no one else. My mom said she might play with me sometime... but it's not the same. Mom doesn't feel the same way as I did, and as I do now. She would just play for fun... I play to WIN! And having that goal makes it fun to the end.
       You've just heard the story of how I rediscovered the wonderful world of Donkey Kong. Now I must play.
 
2/7/03
*Power, Fame, and "Perilous Solitude"*
     Dude, it's been a while since I've put anything up. But here we go...
     What a feeling. Being known. Having power. Being special. What am I speaking of? Composing. I compose pieces for the string orchestra. I'm in the orchestra at school, and we play my pieces. Next week a concert is coming up and we will be playing 2 of my compositions. Today we sight read one of them. Next week we will work on them intensely.
     The reason it's such a magnificent feeling is because... I'm not just an ordinary cellist in the orchestra anymore. And when we are playing a piece of mine... I think, wow, I am controlling what everyone in this room is doing. I'm making them do whatever I want! Every note, bowing, staccato, rest... they are under my control! Okay... I'm not crazy. I have complete respect for all of my fellow string players of course.
     But another feeling, being known. I am now known as a composer. My teacher talks about me to other music teachers and composers. I'm famous! Well, maybe not. But in my school's tiny orchestral microcosm, I am. It could represent all the orchestras, composers, and musicians of the world! A world famous composer, I'll be. Actually, I doubt it. But it's okay to dream. I'm content with just being famous in my school's orchestra.
    
     That being said, I'll leave you with a piece I just finished, entitled "Perilous Solitude." (below) Yes... it represents my life, to a significant extent. I suppose I'll take you through it. Perilous; dangerous. Solitude; loneliness and isolation. At one time my solitude seemed to become quite perilous.
     The beginning of "Perilous Solitude" seems to have a subtle sadness... when I was lonely... and hadn't exactly realized how much so. But I knew it wasn't good.
     When the bass notes come in... it hits me. I am alone and miserable. And I dwell on this... represented by the constant, emotion-filled 8th notes.
     After the brief climax I suddenly try to think... come on, it's not so bad. I become more calm. But it's just a cover up.
     And soon the dwelling with the 8th notes begins once more. This time the impact hits harder, and the sadness become overwhelming. Shit! I can't take it anymore! Suicidal thoughts plague my mind. I realize I have to put it all to an end.
     So the moment builds. And finally... it's over.
     Don't worry, I won't really kill myself. But it certainly feels like I should sometimes. And of course the sadness of solitude can become overwhelming. Such an emotional piece. I love it. I hope you will too.

If you want to comment on my opinions and what not then email me on my contact page. I respect all opinions, but if you disagree with something, please refrain from being a bitch about it. Thank you!

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